Not cheesy. Not cliché. Not mainstream.

These last few days I have been reading about love, I have been listening about love. I’m someone who cringes at cliché love and mainstream love but it’s different for the last few days. I have never actually fell in love with anyone, that fall where you don’t know what’s happening, but you want to keep walking blindly and all the sense and logic is out of the window and far far away to even sense it. I have seen people do senseless things in the name of love and tell me how they couldn’t stop, because it’s love. I want to feel that, because it’s so over hyped and I want to see if I am capable of that, if I even deserve that for that matter. I know, it’s not all Sunshine and roses in love, it’s heartbreak too. But I feel that’s the easy part, the part everyone goes through and it’s same for everyone. But being in love, it’s so different for every single person. I have never seen two people fall in love the same way, I have not seen two people change the same way. Like people change when they are drunk or high, people change when they are in love. So yeah, I guess love is a drug. But drugs always give this negative image in my mind. So I think of love as the happy form of drug. I’m waiting to fall in love and like really fall. I want to see this world without logic and reason for some time. But I don’t want the cheesy love, I want him to eye roll at my lame jokes but I want him to lift me up when I am down. I want us to talk about the sky and the stars and how he has this weird love for slime. I want us to have the weirdest talks and not bat an eye at what’s going on, it will be like a bubble. Our bubble. A bubble full of jokes, laughter and weird, stupid talks. Not cheesy, not cliché, not mainstream.

The birthmark in my eye

I read about this theory
That how your birthmark is supposed to be the reason of your death in your past life
Like if you have a birthmark on your back, maybe someone stabbed you
Like Caesar was stabbed
Maybe you were Caesar
But Caesar was stabbed in so many places
Would he have many marks
Or just the one from Brutus
Since that was the biggest betrayal

I have this mark in both my eyes
It’s barely visible if you’re not actually looking into my eyes
Makes it almost like a secret, meant for only a few people
I like to believe it protects me, from evil or maybe from myself
As if I can just spot good people and wrong things in the world
Almost like seeing all the white and black in the world
There’s sometimes a grey, when good people make bad choices
I like to carry white paint along with me at those times
Colouring all their mistakes white
Almost like it didn’t happen
I know I have to put in too much white, since grey and black are too strong
But white is so pure, it would flood the universe someday
Like all those doves in the sky

I have this mark in both my eyes
I don’t know if it means something
But maybe the reason of the end of my last life
Was something as trivial as sleeping peacefully during my last breath
Or just looking directly at all the black
Horrified and helpless
Maybe that’s the reason I was born, the purpose of my life
Just not ever being helpless when it comes to colouring the world white

A few questions

There are a few questions which I absolutely have to ask to get to know someone
The first one is easy
Do you like dogs?
And I’ll slowly walk away from you if you say you don’t
Because they are the most precious creatures on the planet and you cannot fight me on that
Second is a personal choice
Do you smoke cigarettes?
Because I don’t understand why people want to die a bit daily even if it takes them away from their problems for a while
Third is about how they see themselves
What kind of a person are you?
This usually makes people really wonder
And I get to know if I have to make up for the love they don’t feel for themselves
Fourth is my favorite
What makes you happy?
Because who doesn’t like to see a person light up when they talk about things they love to do, or the things that make them excited
Fifth is a bit gloomy
What are you afraid of?
Because what if I need to protect you someday from that, I need to know
Sixth is a bit personal
What changed you?
Because there was this point we changed, a point we realized we are better than this
Seventh is the complete opposite
What do you want to change?
Because in the crazy world, so many things are wrong and so many things make us tick
Just hearing out another person could make us a bit sane
And if I didn’t really ask you all this upfront
Maybe I got to know when we talked
You are a beautiful human
That is if you love dogs, of course

Subtle Sunshine

You smell like sunshine
I know that’s not really a thing
But sunshine is
Warm
Like your heart
But sunshine is
Bright
Like your smile
But sunshine
Comes in through cracks
Like your words did, into my soul
Also, sunshine is
Too harsh sometimes
Like when you are mad
Because people disappoint you

Because you, my darling keep a thousand expectations
You see what all people can accomplish
You see the good in people
But you, also get hurt

I apologise for that but I hope that doesn’t change
That you don’t change

Because you make people do good in life
You believe in them when no one does
So just never stop
Even with all the hurt that comes your way

Keep smelling like sunshine
Keep growing sunflowers
Keep living in your world full of rainbows and unicorns and blue hearts

Keep being beautiful

Dad

Dad
I know we spend most of our time arguing
But that doesn’t for a second mean I don’t love you
I love you with all my heart
I love you when I tell you to keep your phone aside
I love you when I tell you not work at home
I love you when I show you little things I am proud of
I love you when I tell you take your medicines on time
I love you when I fight with you over small things
I love you when I laugh at your lame jokes

I know that whatever I do
You will always be proud of me
But sometimes I need you to say it
Because sometimes life is a bit hard

I will always be your little girl
Who hid behind curtains and walls to scare you
Who cried when she didn’t get enough attention from you
Who clung to your feet so you weren’t able to leave
Who asked you for goodnight kisses and bedtime stories
Who demanded piggyback rides to the bed

So please whenever I disappoint you
I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me
I hope you know how much you mean to me
But above all I hope you know how much I look up to you.

Mom

Mom
I can’t imagine a world without you
I am not sure how you are doing it
Living without your mother
But I am sorry I was so small
To not understand what you went through
I am sorry I can’t comfort you
And make you realize how proud she was of you
But please
I can’t do this without you
I can’t live in a world
Without hearing your precious laugh
I can’t live in a world
Without you showing me at every step
How I can be a better person
I want to be like you
I am not sure I can
But Mama, you deserve an amazing life
Please don’t settle for short
You deserve people to love you
To the fullest
You deserve people to understand
How amazing you are
You deserve a better daughter than me
But I will try my best
To make your time here,
Worthwhile
To always try to make you happy
To always try to comfort you
To always try to be there for you
To always try to be your person

Things I wish someone told me when I was in school

This one’s a cliché
And maybe that’s the reason I didn’t believe it
But grades don’t matter as much
So go bunk that class
And have the time of your life
Because that’s what you are going to remember
Standing in punishment
With the whole class
And bursting with laughter

People pretend to care a lot of times
So don’t give them your precious heart
Until and unless you are very sure
Because sometimes people just want popularity
And would cross limits to reach there

School isn’t fair
You aren’t recognized for your talent
By the teachers who just want students to flatter them
And in the end those people get the benefits
But that’s not how life works, I promise

The closest people in school
Some of them would stay till the very end
But some of them would just leave
Without looking back
So don’t waste a lot of time on them

Just have a lot of fun in school
Make a lot of plans
Convince your parents to let you go
Because later, life just becomes busy
And plans get cancelled
And priorities change

Also the most important
Be kind to everyone
Because we all feel like being rude is cool
But it isn’t
It never will be
So just please be kind, and whenever you can
Help people out
Even if they don’t realize that it is you going out of your way
They will realize someday and that will be enough

Maybe that’s why I like college better
Because I realized all this
And I found my people
And I love them more than my life
So if it’s too late for all these things
You have college too
So just wait for some time
Everything is going to be okay

Questions which are usually left unanswered

Do you ever miss a part of yourself?
That you lost when you lost that person
Do you ever feel like you have given away so many pieces of yourself to people, whether they deserved it or not?
And now you are just here trying to remember
Which part is where, with whom
And do they even remember they have that piece of your soul?
Do they even remember you?
Do they regret meeting you?
Do they miss you, ever?
Do they ever think about how different things would be if they had done something differently?

“Criterias” for love

It’s disheartening
To see the number of people
Who think they’re
Not worthy of love
But they deserve
All the love in the world
And it still would be less
For what they are worth

It’s so hard
To convince them of that
But that’s all I want to do
Just shake them
And put it inside their heart
What a gem they are
And how lucky people are
To know them

But then you realize
They are the kindest souls you know
So you go about convincing them
In the kindest way you know
Hope they understand
And just protect them
From this selfish world
Until they realize

Undoubtedly enough

This is for those of us
Who get the feeling of not being enough
Of trying everything we can
And still feeling unsatisfied
And frustrated
But we are enough
We are loved
People are proud of us
We have come a long way
And we have a long way to go
But for the time being
Let’s be proud of ourselves
Of being the person that we are
And we don’t need anyone’s validation
We are enough, a thousand times enough
We are more than enough
So let’s just smile
And move forward
To where we want to go